It was a lovely Sunday morning visit the pool when I was ambushed by an Aussie man and his first words to me… “haha that’s what happens in Thailand” I asked, “excuse me, what happens in Thailand?”
“You get knocked up and have a baby!”
O.K deep breath Suzi.
He wouldn’t let it go and being we were both white, felt the need to talk to me. Referred to my husband as ‘that man’ and said “well yeah I suppose a baby is at least an 18 month commitment” Let me add he was an older man, with two children in Thailand he sees for 3 months a year as well as his 4 children in Oz, not that I’m stereotyping.
To say he made me angry was an understatement and led me to think, not for the first time about what people think. The stereotypes we are branded with and assumptions made just by looking in on our little Thai/English mixed family.
Thai men are lazy
Thai men are all cheaters
Thai men don’t care about their children
Thai men will take your money
Thai men smoke pot and drink too much
Thai men don’t like to work
I married my husband for love, purely, and simply because spending time with him felt easy (I also think he’s really handsome) We got married on Koh Lanta and had a small gathering of friends, a pot luck and a view of Kantiang Bay. I am excited to grow old and grey together (although we’re already doing well with the grey)
I did try with English and Irish men … who never wanted to commit! I was fed up with men when I hit 30 and took off to travel, then I fell in love, never for a moment thinking 5 years down the line we’d be living in a 3 bed in a Thai city, with a gorgeous little girl.
My mum, a good Irish woman with 5 children always asks on a scale 1-10 how are you. I always say 8 and those last 2 are because I haven’t slept a full night in 10 months. I am happy.
My husband looks after our daughter with so much love. He perseveres with cotton nappies, somehow always managing to make them clean again, I would’ve given up a long time ago! He feeds us, although I know the importance of good nutrition I could easily live on soup, homous, rocket and apples. He makes coffee and porridge and remembers every morning to unlock the gate and my bike knowing in my rush I’d get frustrated and start dropping stuff. At 7pm he prepares hot water for baby bath time as its got a few degrees cooler here (just a few now) he carries bags, babies and without fail tells me I’m beautiful at 630am after a night of broken sleep, teasing me that I have another man. Not sure when exactly would I have time for that?
That saying about love not seeing colour it’s true, I forget we’re foreigners to each other.
I asked the women on the Mamaferang Facebook page have they faced cultural stereotypes and got some hilarious responses. Husbands who people assume are tour guides and there are those who are seen as the drivers, touts and playboys!
The most frequent judgement I hear is that he’ll take all my money. What money?! I currently work a teaching job and when he sells a leather bag he can earn what I make in 2 weeks!
Not forgetting the day I was told to check his I.D card as he was apparently lying about his age, I was told I was snatching the cradle (he’s 4 years older) Where is the world would that be ok to question, would they do it in their home countries? I somehow doubt it.
Essentially men and woman are different the world over and in the melting pot of life there are good, bad and mediocre. We chose our partners for so many reasons, those reasons are personal and sometimes just feelings we have that we are unable to articulate. Just because I have chosen a man from another country does not mean our relationship can be scrutinised, but sadly it is and will continue to be.
I try to hold on to that saying “what other people think is none of your business!”